Time for the Serenity Prayer
I've always been a feminist.So I've never minded having two little girls, although everyone else and their second cousin's brother-in-law's nephew's grandmother in the Hmong community has begged to differ:
"Oh, you must try for a boy!"
"Two girls? Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe you'll be luckier next time and get a boy."
"Let's hope for a boy this time..."
"Eat some herbal medicine from Aunt (Name here) and you'll be guaranteed a boy next time. This medicine works, it really does. It worked with your great-aunt's sister-in-law's fifth cousin's grandmother back in Laos -- I saw it with my own eyes."
Blah, blah, blah.
But first I must preface everything with this sincere thought: Every child is a blessing from God, regardless of sex. With that said ...
This third child is a blessing. He will be loved and pampered the same as Ella and Norah are. There's no doubt in my mind about that. What worries me is that because he is a boy, that sole fact will instantaneously devalue my girls, where their worth will not be on the same level as his -- by the grandparents on both sides and by the patriarchal Hmong community. I'm already seeing it with our own nieces and nephews. And I know it will be no different with our kids.
Growing up as a Hmong girl, I've always had to go that extra mile to fight the good fight, to prove my worth, to say, "Hey, anything you can do, I can do better." I know with Ella's and Norah's generation, that sexism won't be as prevalent, but I still don't want them to feel inferior to someone (much less their own brother) because of a simple biological difference. I don't want to see them ignored or feel like second-class citizens in the eyes of everyone else.
My philosophy of late has been the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
All I can do is be the best parent I can to all my kids.
posted by Nhia @ 11:11 PM
6 Comments:
You're right. Growing up the way we did, you can trust me to know EXACTLY how you feel- never being worth anything. But KNOW THIS- your girls have already demonstrated their strengths and feminism without even knowing it! Miranda will always be queen and Norah can always use her "deer in the headlight" look to get things her way! USE THIS as motivation for the day. Also I think you're doing a fine job teaching them that they're worth so much more that what the ignorant Hmong community proclaims. Be sure they know the only thing they can't do that males can do is "PEE STANDING UP"- that's it.
Did I ever tell you about how Lee Lee said that "N-Motion" (they family soccer team which consists of ALL males) can beat the US Women's Soccer Team? He said "They're just girls- they can never beat guys. N Motion can beat them anyday!" I chewed him out and made him cry (he was like 7 at that time). Later on that day we were outside playing basketball and I blocked every shot that 7 year old made to PROVE MY POINT. I told him "See- I'm a girl and I just KICKED YOUR A$$!" I made him cry for a 2nd time that day.
We gotta train them early right?
PRAYERS AND STRENGTH TO YOU AND YOUR GIRLS.
-may
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
I think what matters most is the way kids are treated at home... my brother happens to be the son of the only son in the family... but hey, I turned out okay =)
More pictures please.
-may
hey, are you guys doing anything for superbowl? i bet you're so excited cause the colts made it, huh?! cheng and i were thinking about you on sunday when the colts won.
MAY: You're so funny! I do remember that story about how Lee claimed they could beat the U.S. women's national team. Too funny! I always like to remind Birdie and Anthony: "Remember that time it was me against you two in basketball and I still beat you guys?" That was when I was 22, in shape and they were like 4-feet! I'm sure they'd whup me pretty good now! And yes, Miranda, uh, Ella, will always be queen bee. Norah can be her sidekick and they will rule the world, no doubt ... Oh yeah: why don't YOU post another blog entry with more pictures of Theoden instead of having the girls be disappointed when they don't see anything new? Your same post has been up there for, what, two weeks now?????
CATHY: What a lovely prayer! I've been meaning to do a nice graphic design with the Serenity Prayer and hang it around my workspace -- now I think I'll add your prayer too ... What makes you think you turned out OK? :)
SALLY: OF COURSE I'm excited! I'm actually planning on watching the game with a few co-worker girlfriends; going to a fellow Colts fan's and watching the SuperBowl there. It's not everyday you can find fellow Colts fans in Wisconsin. Enjoying it while we can!
I do, have been nagged occasionally about trying for a boy. What is with people, sometimes? I love my girls! Although, I grew up with sisters and have been raising girls, so I wonder what it would have been like, raising a boy, or growing up with a brother. I'll never know. I keep hoping maybe I'll have a grandson, someday!
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